Think it is Time for a Personal Revolution?
Over the past few years, there have been several times when my life seems to feel out of control — on a rollercoaster with no one down below operating it. At times it has felt helpless, and at other times, I feel more vital than ever. Lately, a deep need to surrender has been nagging at me. I know that sounds a little strange. For most, surrendering means defeat; it means giving up; it represents failure. The type of surrender I am referring to isn’t about becoming less or showing weakness. It’s the surrendering that comes when you strip away the very fabric of your being to find your spirit lying bare beneath it. It is the kind of surrender that can leave you feeling vulnerable. It is facing a truth that you would otherwise be unwilling to face without the surrender we speak of.
I thought back to a time when titles and status mattered more to me. I thought back to when I was in a relationship that wasn’t true to me. I remember not feeling accepted by my partner. I felt like a beautiful idea but not the right fit. They felt that way to me too. I received criticism from him and tried hard to make the relationship work but it all felt like one big lie I was telling myself and those around me. It felt harsh, unkind, and hurtful, but I stayed cause I thought it was what I should do. The “right thing” is a thing you do because society expects it, and that person has the suitable titles or makes the right money. They are seen in a way by your community that is favorable. My freedom came when I walked away from that relationship and didn’t look back. There is a calm that comes after the chaos. Some sense of peace, even when your heart is breaking, not because of a love lost but because you lost yourself for years and you just realized what had happened. It was like waking up.
Years later, I think of stripping back the layers again, like an onion, and yes, crying can be involved. But what am I not being honest about with myself or others? We all return to this process in different stages of our lives, and what we can find is revolutionary. Because when we are honest with ourselves and those we love, we get to be who we’ve never known we always wished to be. I realized this recently with another layer of the onion unfolding. I am reminded of Dan Millman’s Way of the Peaceful Warrior quote: “You cannot attain happiness; it attains you—but only after you surrender everything else.” I love and hate how life works sometimes. Hate is a strong word. I feel like someone hit me and I am stunned. The feeling hurts but then I realize another layer has been lifted. You move forward, you move on, you hopefully move upward in life, elevating yourself from the nightmares of the past to find beauty in the present.
This last year has been all about surrendering. In 2021, a lot changed in my life after a motor vehicle accident where I was hit. I gained weight; I had to pivot my business more to online, and I stopped doing many of the activities I used to do daily. That is also why I have diligently followed a self-care plan and morning routine. It truly has helped me emotionally over this last year and a half. With that, I have had to look at what emotions I am hanging onto; there are areas of my life where I am unhappy. If so, what can I do to change them? It was about being honest with myself, and I will leave you with this little message because maybe this hits home for you too:
If you have friends that constantly make you feel less than you (Not due to their accomplishments but how they make you feel), take them out of your life. They don’t deserve you. Not that you are better or worse. They just don’t mesh with your energy, vibe, or mojo. You deserve people who inspire you, lift you up, and make you feel alive.
If your family has comments or jokes at your expense, confront them. Sometimes people don’t even know they are hurting you. I had a family member constantly make fun of me. She didn’t know what she was saying hurt. She thought she was just being funny, but funny at my expense wasn’t working for me. I confronted her, and though it wasn’t originally a great reaction, the result was that I never had to deal with her poking fun at me.
If you have a habit you have wanted to change and haven’t (So you feel guilty), change it! Commit! In the words of Nike, “Just Do It!” If you falter, that is okay; just get back on track. Hiccups happen, life happens, and we make mistakes as humans. You just have to realign yourself to your mission, goal, or aspiration, and you will be able to obtain the goal you are looking for.
If your throat hurts and there is something you haven’t said to someone, and you really want to say it, start talking. You never know if you will get another chance. If you don’t take the opportunity to speak, then things can fester, you may start to feel sick, and you may lose your nerve or convince yourself that it’s not a big deal. Something to ask yourself is, “What would I regret more later — If I never said anything or if I did? Think about that, and if you need to, walk through the conversation or what you want to say with a friend, loved one, or a mental health professional.
Forgive yourself for all the things you think you should have done but didn’t, and forgive yourself for all the things you feel you shouldn’t have done but you did. Forgive yourself for any non-action; for not taking a leap, not taking that job, not going traveling when you were younger, not saying yes to someone, or not turning them down sooner. Forgive yourself now, today! Tomorrow isn’t certain.
Surrender to your emotions. For the men reading, this can be a tough one. Shoot, for anyone; this is a tough one. I have a difficult time with this one. If you don’t release whatever emotion is ruling you, you will stay stagnant and remain stuck (at least in that area) & it will suck! However, if you release it and feel the full emotions; cry, wail, scream (yep, that can happen too, letting go of rage and resentment can be huge), it may also suck at the moment. The feeling of dread that comes from feeling emotions entirely is why many of us stuff them. Who needs to look like a hot mess, right?! Wrong. Your avoiding feelings has probably made them boil up & that is probably why you haven’t wanted to feel those feelings fully. But hey, once you do, take a look at yourself. Take in the moment. Ask yourself if you feel lighter, freer, & more at ease. I know from personal experience that I sure do. This process may not solve a weight issue right away. It may not fix everything that feels like a mess in your life, but it is a start. I share this from personal experience. As someone who held onto grudges for a long time, didn’t let go of relationships, friendships, or situations, someone didn’t speak up for herself and, in turn, got ulcers, body aches, headaches, and Start Letting Go Today!
These were some of my thought of the day as I looked out at a tropical rainstorm and thought about life. I share this information because no one wants to look back with regret, anger, resentment, or sadness at the end.
If you have someone who needs to read this, share it with them. If you are that someone, feel free to reach out and share why.
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