The Strength Within: From Pain to Power

One of my teenage students looked at me after her third session and said, “I just wish I was as confident as you!”

I could see she was getting upset and frustrated with the process. It wasn’t about the physical moves. She was fast, she had a crazy right elbow and her heel palm strike would have dropped someone to the floor but the look in her eyes made me pause. I looked at her and said, “It took 24 years to get this confident” and that was true.

My mother and father both were in the martial arts when I was younger. My mother taught women’s self-defense in the 70s. They both had also gotten certified in Say it Straight and Non-Violent Communication, something that I am so grateful for today. However, it is one thing to know the logistics of something and quite another to actually live and breathe it.

When I was in middle school, I had my first taste of what it was like to be bullied. I hated it. I remember this girl hitting me in the back of the head on the school bus. I had never talked to Heather. She was tall, broad, and frankly, intimidating. So, without a word to this person, I remember the day I was struck. I was sitting in my seat looking out at the trees and thinking about what I would do when I got home. Maybe practice basketball, maybe go for a run, hit the treadmill machine. Then it happened. I remember feeling the impact and it felt like the ball that was my brain had just sloshed against my skull. I suddenly felt my heartbeat in my head and it was pounding. The bus halted fast. The bus driver wasn’t having any fighting on her bus. She yelled at the girl and told her to sit up at the front of the bus. I remember the girl looking a little nervous then her facial features hardened. When it was the girls stop, the bus driver took a moment to talk to her dad. I remember looking out the window and seeing the girl turn her eyes down suddenly realizing that she wasn’t going to get away with what she had done.

Then I heard her dad curse and swat her on the back of the head. Ugh. Empathy. My head was pounding but there it was. I felt bad for the girl and then thought of how lucky I was to have parents who wouldn’t hit me. It taught me a major life lesson and later, as an adult I realized that the majority of bullies were in-fact bullied.

Here is the kicker though. Regardless of if someone has been bullied before or not, they have no right to rage at you or harm you. Sometimes they learn the impact they have on others and stop the cycle, sometimes they don’t. However, if you are that person, the one who took a lot of hits or are hiding verbal scars, know that you could be the one to break the cycle. It can end with you. The pain that was your past does not equal the promise of your future.

I thought on this with my parents. I know that each had their own fair share of challenging upbringings. I remember them telling me that they wanted my brother and me to grow up in a home without cursing. They wanted us to know that we were loved. They wanted to teach us how to argue and debate in a healthy way. To this day, I don’t remember a time when my dad or mom every yelled at one another. It just didn’t happen. That didn’t mean that debates in our house weren’t lively. They most definitely were but today, I am thankful that my parents made those guidelines for each other to follow. I am happy they new that they could change up the script. That their childhood and life did not have to be a story retold throughout my younger years. I did not have to see the back of their hand or experience the sting of their belt or spoon. People discipline their children however they do. However, I will say, know that what you teach your children will have a ripple effect. They see you. They learn from you. What they experience, they will pass on. So, what is it you wish to teach them?

I have lived through much in my life and yet, still I feel so very lucky to have grown up with my family, to be loved by those in my life, to have friends, a home, community, and kindness. While I have felt the pain of violence in my life and saw with terror how it racked my body, I have healed and have been able to take those lessons and turn them into something of purpose.

Teaching Empowerment, Self-Defense, Trauma-Informed Care, Self-Care, and supporting others on their journey has brought a joy I did not believe could be found. I love this work and am thankful to share the knowledge and the skills so others can move from pain to a place of power.

If you are wanting to learn Empowerment Self-Defense skills, try out our new Empowerment Self-Defense 21-Day Challenge.