The Gift

It all started with a decision that would forever change my life and a conversation with a close friend. In 2015, I made the leap to move to Maui for love and adventure. I had my life planned before that. I was one of the youngest executive directors of a nonprofit in Tacoma the year before and ran my own empowerment business. I had connections and friends from all different walks of life. And it just so happened — when I was questioning my sanity for leaving everything I knew, leaving the family I loved, and a secure life — it was my friend Catherine who told me, “Go, you can always come back to us if it doesn’t work out.” Though she may not have known it, that talk was the little extra push I needed to go on my journey to a life unknown.

Fast forward to 2024. Since my move, I have experienced love, extreme loss, life-threatening accidents, being hit by a motor vehicle twice, lived through the Pandemic and Lahaina Fire, along with the aftermath.

In March 2024, I was in WA picking up my fur baby Ella, and again that friend had crossed my mind. I messaged her, and it was suggested I visit. It was worded in such a way that made me pause. I knew my friend wasn’t well; she had said as much when I saw her in the fall of 2023. So, after the 2-hour drive up north, I found myself at the hospital, opening the curtain to see her lying in her upright bed, looking very different from what I remembered. Still a light in her eyes, and she was smiling at me. I went to her bedside and took her hand, and as casually as speaking of the weather, she looked at me and said, “I just want to get this out there, I have Stage 4 cancer and I’m not going to make it.” What do you say? I remember thinking, ‘My crying won’t help her.’ So, I paused and looked up, I smiled, rubbed her hand, and asked, ‘How can I help?’ This ask led to her partner Marty leaving the room, which was emotional and complex. Rightly so. I wouldn’t want to leave my partner’s side should the tables be turned.

We spoke for 4 hours. We spoke of good times and bad times, we laughed, and I was there for her as she cried. All the while, I just held her hand. She told me of things she had learned in life, and I listened, knowing this moment was critical and that at this point in time was precious — it always is, which many don’t realize until it is too late, but here we were. We spoke of adventures we had wanted to have on Maui together: hiking, snorkeling, swimming, restaurants, labyrinths, and walking the beach. I was going to show her all the cool spots and take her on the journey of her life. I had flashed back to our conversation in 2014, 10 years before, and she looked me straight in the eyes, held my hand a bit firmer, and said, “I have an ask and it’s something only you can do…” I leaned in and just said, “Anything.” That is when she shared, “I need you to get Marty to Maui to do all the adventures we had planned.”

I remember meeting Marty separately. When I met Catherine, she was a school board member, and Marty was on the City Council. Marty was my cribbage buddy, and Catherine was my walking, let’s talk education buddy. I remember when I had put two and two together that they were dating. I had a cribbage match with one and a walk with the other on the same day, and I remember when I mentioned the other person, each of their faces lit up so bright. It was like seeing fireflies lighting a path, and cheeks flushed. Ahhh…I see. I knew they weren’t out about this to the general public, and we even talked a little about it. I love their professionalism and passion for their individual work. Soon, I started playing cribbage with them both, and went over to their house. We were all close; on every trip, I did my best to see them. They said that if I ever wanted to stay somewhere other than my parents’ home, there was a place for me. I rarely took pictures of us all. In truth, I may only have one or two because I just wanted memories, fun moments, and laughing with friends, and they gave me that.

Back to the moment of Catherine’s ask, part of me was still hoping she would pull through, but when I saw her face crumple, I knew it wouldn’t happen. I said I promised, and we spent some of those four hours planning. She let me know Marty was stubborn as though that was something new that I didn’t know (lol). So, I had to be diligent…to which I said, “Do you not know me at all?” Equally as stubborn, I knew I could get him there. She said he would be depressed, and I was gonna have to work some magic, also, my specialty with friends. I always love taking them on epic adventures. We laughed and smiled, and then she gave me the message, “You can’t tell him until after I die.” The words were sobering. I felt my friend slipping from me. Then she squeezed my hand with tears in her eyes. One last thing, “At the end of the trip, I need you to tell him that I want him to live. I want a full life for him, I need this from you.” I nodded my head and smiled, my eyes finally glistening. And there it was, my task was set, her last big gift to the person she adored most in the world.

I didn’t tell anyone how ill she was, not even my parents, when they asked. I knew she didn’t want anyone to worry, and in my mind, it wasn’t my story to tell. A few weeks after I returned, I FaceTimed her and showed her the sunset. It was beautiful that night as I walked along the sand. Looking out at the water, I saw a sunbeam of light fly across the evening sky, then wink out. That would be my last time talking to her. I was working on a day and saw I had a missed message that Catherine was going home, and I felt like I should call, but was being pulled in a million directions as once. And then Marty shared that she had passed. Suddenly, the many tasks didn’t seem so important. I just walked back to the beach and stared out at the ocean, finally letting my tears flow for both of my friends.

May was a tough month, both my aunt and my friend had their memorial services, and both died from cancer. It was a dark month for me, but I remembered my purpose. When I visited WA for my birthday in the summer, I set up a cribbage match with my two favorite guys, Erik and Marty. How to share such a request? Do I say it in front of our friend? I wrote it in a note and gave it to him after the match. I just watched his face and the heaviness behind his eyes. It was like sharing a message from an angel. I didn’t speak of the message, I just kept my goodbyes short and left. But then the mission came into play. Every few weeks, I sent messages reminding Marty to come to Maui. I felt like a little pestering pixy and wasn’t sure if all of my nagging would be in vain. I knew Marty was working on his political campaign and wasn’t sure he wanted to come, but I also knew I would keep trying.

Finally, I got the message 20-25th of November. While walking on the beach, I spoke to Catherine as I stared at the sunset. It’s happening, friend. I’m doing what I promised. It was always a sunbeam, a falling star, but I often felt she heard me and was responding. The trip was crazy. At the time, I was also working on a book and two courses that would all be published in December. So, adding a friend trip in there honestly felt nuts, but we did. I took him to tide pools, Haleakala, and the beach. I took him to the restaurants she and I would have been to, or that I would have taken them both to. I managed to do it all, and then the end came. Monday, I realized it was time to share the last message, and again, I was plotting — ‘What is the best way to share this last message from my friend?’ So, I got him to come over for a cribbage match before he had to hit the plane.

I swore she was with me because I dominated in that game. The gift I must have received for sharing the message -- though I loved playing cribbage with the guys, I was hardly ever in first place. So, we played the game and it came to an end. I noticed on the clock at 2:53 p.m. (253 was our area code in WA). It was time.

“Marty, it is time, and I have one last message from Catherine.” I know he wasn’t expecting it. It was like his whole body just froze. I felt a warmth in my body, like the sun touched my shoulders, and a brush of a hand on my face. “Now I need you to live. I need you to live, Marty. Not stay at home sad in your favorite chair. I need you to get up, get out there, take care of yourself and Live.” My friend’s face shown with such emotion and I just gave him that space to feel all the feelings. We made eye contact, and he smiled. Then it was goodbye.

It’s been a challenging few years with so much loss, especially the loss of Catherine, whom few knew I was so connected to and loved, but doing that mission gave me so much purpose and filled me with so much joy. It was The Gift.

As we move into the holidays, regardless of religion, background, or culture, this is a reminder that our friends and family are our gifts; they are more precious than gold, platinum, or any money. Time with them is never promised. So, on this day, as you read this, remember that and spend the time to connect; entirely, truly, passionately, and always, always with love. Make this life Magic and an Epic Adventure.

Warmly,

Iyémote, Stó:lō Nation

Strives for Empowerment

Tasha Ina Church